Milking – Cum-Denial

The male reproductive anatomy is a truly remarkable biological system. Everyone who understands its workings (just browse this blog!) can explore his own sexuality much beyond the ordinary jack-off or plain wham-bam-thank-you-ma´am fuck. Or he can have his sexuality explored and tried by someone!

When a couples bond is characterized by a dominant/submissive (dom/sub – mistress/master & slave/victim) relationship, at least when it comes to sex and where the man is the sub, they will most likely practise a form of milking. It is as much a psychological thing as it is physical. The role „play“ (within BDSM*) defines the setting and measures, the male biology allows for cause and effect-sensations off the beaten path (no pun) if this meets your attitude or preference.

Now, there are two opposing styles of milking. One avoids ejaculation, this is referred to as cum-denial or cum-control (where milking the glands plays an essential part). The other style is calling for repeated ejaculations, this would be milking of the male aiming for multiple, if necessary forced ejaculations.

Any milking situation ought to be performed voluntarily and good communication, or rather agreed upon strict rules, are mandatory to generate arousal and maybe bliss from the action, contrary to slipping into some real torture (so fix your esc-button!).

Let´s begin with cum-denial. I found a text by a fellow called Rusty. Read his this definition:

Cum-denial is used by some few heavy male master-slave pairs, but is VERY common and more popular among the male-female (or she-male) FEM-DOM (feminine dominatrix) set. The goal of this kind of milking is to maintain health in the male while depriving him COMPLETELY of ALL orgasmic pleasure for the long-term [including nocturnal emissions = wet dreams!]. In this method the male is usually required to wear a confining chastity device between sessions to prevent his „uncontrollable“ urge to masturbate.

In this form, the milking is accomplished by applying repeated, firm, but gentle pressure to the prostate gland using a finger, a dildo, a vibrating wand, or a dildo-like tool specifically designed for this purpose. After a few minutes of this pressure, seminal fluids are expressed without any contractions through the tip of the penis. [...] Sexual pressure and the urgent need to cum is reduced or eliminated till the fluids build back up again.

As for possible motives I found yet another text (lost the reference). Mind you at this point, that the whole strategy of cum-control is based upon, and working due to some biological facts, like the increased production of seminal fluids thru and with arousal, the threat of MRP after ejaculation** and the reduction of the sexual pressure after milking the glands (as just stated above). But read my find:

The basis for cum-control/denial is founded in part on the idea that while the male is interested in pursuing sexual release he will be more solicitous of the lady’s pleasure, and in general more amenable to various services for her. For some, an additional motive is that more time between his releases will make them more powerful and pleasurable. However, the truth is that these effects are a complex mix of psychological and physiological effects, created by repeated “teasings” or other arousal which engage his desires and build at an emotional level.

This sounds much like edging with a beneficial side effect for the female partner (sure could be male as well). But what´s in there for the sub in the long run? Well, read what a guy named Jeff did write about that:

Eventually, after this is done a significant number of times [Jeff refers to the stop&go of the edging a dom applies to her/his sub], the subs need to bring relief to himself becomes so intense that his mind empties of all other thoughts and he is consumed by only a single, pure thought: the need to get off.

In this state of urgent need a man is totally and completely at the mercy of the partner stimulating him. He will, literally, do ANYTHING to have you complete what you’re doing and allow him his relief.  This is why boundaries and limits established beforehand are so important, because when so consumed with his need to ejaculate a man will agree to do things he normally would not consider doing at all. This state of mind is one of the ultimate mixtures of pain and pleasure; the body is being pleasured repeatedly over and over, but denied the ability to culminate satisfactorily those feelings. [...] Being in this state of body and mind where a partner is controlling your stimulation, body, penis and [ejaculation] is a very powerful experience. It is one of the MOST intense stages of sexual expression and abandon any man can experience; the ultimate combination of extraordinary pleasure and extraordinary frustration. Once you truly experience this at the hands of another woman/man, you will be forever changed; forever wanting to experience this agonizing bliss again, for no other experience even comes close to it in intensity.

Having your [climax] controlled in this way and being unable to prevent it from being done to you again and again as well as being unable to give yourself that slight touch needed to cross over the edge is the incredible sadistic, fiendish, wonderful aspect about using a man’s own need to [climax] as torture. The more desperate he becomes to achieve this goal, the more pleasurable, the more agonizing the experience becomes for him. What is essential is that this process is not rushed; it is not a ‘get him to the edge once and you’re done’ thing. The goal is to build upon each ‘edge’ to increase the need and arousal, building it higher and higher to that point of a man ‘letting go’ in body and mind. His body will be completely open to you, his arms and legs spread as widely as possible to give you access to stimulate him, his mind will have but a single thought “I must cum”, and he becomes like an animal with only the instinctual, single need of his body consuming him. A powerful state of mind and body indeed.

Because of this conditioning, the non-climactic relief of the loaded glands thru milking and the forbidden getting-off until the next cum-denial session (with the help of a chastity device), the sub is willing to pursue this self-sustaining hyper-edge by all means, in the same tightening the bond to his dom. An occasionally granted climax is recommended not only for psychological and emotional reasons:

Prostate massage does not provide the ejaculatory muscles with the same exercise as an orgasm [ejaculation], and long periods without orgasm weakens those muscles. Initially this is noted as dribbled or very short distance ejaculation when full orgasm is allowed. More prolonged periods could see further deterioration of the muscle strength. [Yep, better keep up with your Kegel exercises!]

Finally, there is a process called homeostasis, which essentially is just a way of saying the body tries to maintain all functions and processes in a balanced manner. Over time the body “learns” after repeated edgings without orgasm, that there will be no expelling of ejaculate, and consequently produces less. Taking a break from these orgasm denial activities from time to time, can “reset” the body’s mechanisms. In turn, this makes the next round almost as exciting and challenging as when first started.

I very much fancy the idea of edging in partner-sex, as you can find in my prose within this blog. However, this kind of marathon-edging as part of a fem-dom relationship is less for me as I am too much in love with the ejaculatory reflex. The question is, if the other milking style (of forced ejaculations) would in fact serve my preferences? Well, find out in my next post.

* BDSM: Bondage and Discipline, Sadism and Masochism

** If arousal is low or penile stimulation is stopped for a brief time before the prostate massage begins, draining of the glandular produce into the urethra will most likely not trigger ejaculation! Milking the prostate is a foolproof method to drain the gland without the help of muscular contractions (i.e. ejaculation). Triggering an emission would be an alternative, but this is extremely difficult to achieve by a partner (too high a risk to trigger the ejaculatory reflex).